RACISM – YOU NEED TO DIE!
Two young black guys walk up to each other on the street. One says to the other, “What’s up my nigga?” A little black girl who overheard the two men runs to her mother who is at a picnic table near by and in a rather disturbed and excited voice says, “Mama! I just heard a man call another man the “N” word!” The mother responds with, “That’s awful baby. It’s probably some ignorant white man who grew up thinking all black people are niggers.” The daughter gasps at the thought of her mother using the “N” word, but then replies, “But mama, they’re both black men.” “Oh it’s okay then baby.” The mother replies, “ Black people use the word nigga when they are talking to each other.” The little girl stares at her mother, the confusion is obvious on her face. She thinks about how she is being told in school and in Sunday school that saying the “N” word is never right. She just can’t figure out why now her mama is telling her it is okay.
How many times a day does a similar conversation possibly take place? What is it we should be teaching our children? Is it really ever okay to use the word nigger or even nigga? Is nigga just a way of justifying what is actually unacceptable behavior? Think how confused this little girl was. Think how confused so many other children are when they hear people calling other people that name even though they are being taught to never use the word.
I grew up in the late ‘50’s and early ‘60’s. I witnessed some of the worst times in racial prejudice in history. The end of an era was coming about just then. The “Blacks Only” toilets and restaurants were slowly dwindling away. Black folks were finally being allowed to ride on public transportation without having to either stand up or go to the “rear of the bus”. Civil Rights were changing an old fashioned way of doing things that had been wrong for over 100 years and were finally being set right. The word Negro, which was the main descriptive of the black race was being phased out and black people were looking for a term that restored pride and integrity to their race. Black. That became the most widely accepted term back then. There was also Afro-American, but for some black folks who had never known Africa as home it just didn’t catch on. So for whatever reason, Black was the term most people used from then on to describe anyone of the Negro race. Negro itself was not a derogatory term, but it was too close to the word nigger for comfort to most black people.
I was a hippy by most people’s standards. I had long hair and dressed in the hippy uniform, which was bell bottom blue jeans and tie dyed t-shirts for the most part. We were in the “age of awareness” and grasped on to many ideals that before then had seemed way too far from the norms of society. We believed that nobody should ever be discriminated against because of their skin color or ethnic origin. We embraced what we called “oneness” which to us meant that everybody was equal no matter what. People of the norm called us socialists for believing that everyone had the right to getting the same as everyone else got, but that seemed fair to us at the time. There were people who weren’t allowed to drink from the same water faucets as white people simply because they were black! They had to use separate toilets, shop in separate stores, eat at separate restaurants, learn in separate schools, and many other separations were the norm. This “movement” of hippies and other “free thinkers” thought it was time for all of that to end. This era marked the end of the word nigger.
I belonged to many social groups back then. We met to discuss current affairs, current politics, civil rights, the war in Viet Nam, and other things that interested us. We felt there was someplace for our voices to be heard in all of these things and we took actions based on that. We started an underground newspaper where we had an outlet to express our opinions. We worked to have the voting and drinking ages lowered to reflect our opinion that if a person was old enough to be sent off to war where he might die defending the honor of his country, then he ought to be considered old enough to participate in the voting and drinking. Both of these things were changed. We discussed how we could get involved in civil rights. It wasn’t just a struggle of black people trying to make things right, it was everyone in society needing to realize that it had been wrong all along and everyone should be part of the change. We marched in civil rights marches, anti-war marches, and participated in rallies of all sorts with the hopes of affecting change. Many changes were made.
One of the most important steps we made back then was bridging the racial gaps. There had been polarity in every aspect of life while our generation was growing up. The separation of white and black was the most major of these polarizations. An attempt to force schools to integrate was met with a great deal of opposition at first. There were a lot of racial stereotype barriers to break down. These barriers had been in place for many years. Anyone reading this has to be honest for a minute here and think about something. We as children are taught by our parents to be racist to a degree. We are simply following the leads that our parents have given us to follow. They had learned the same type of racism from their parents, and the basic norm in their society conformed to these learned racial stereotypes. It’s hard to admit to some of the things we learned and even practiced as we grew up. This is true for both whites and blacks as well as every other race. Even in our segregated schools we learned certain racism. When integration came about, many of us were simply reflecting the racism that we had been taught and brought up with. A perfect example has to do with a close relative. He had been verbally racist in the presence of his young son. After all, it was something that was prevalent in his society in home as well as in his school and community. His young son was out on the porch one day watching a moving van being unloaded a couple houses down. A little boy walked over from the house where the furniture was being moved in and sat down next to the boy who had been watching. From inside the home, the father heard this conversation, “Hi.” said the new kid. “Hi” said the other kid. The new kid sat down on the porch next to the other boy. The boy said, “You’re a nigger aren’t you?” The new kid said, “I think so.” To that the kid said, “Then I don’t think I can play with you because my dad says we don’t like niggers.”. The new kid got up to walk away, “See you.”. The other kid replied, “See you”. What do you suppose the little black boy went home and said to his parents? Can you see how it might affect future tensions in that neighborhood? The close relative was horrified. It occurred to him that his own racial behavior had affected his young boy. The kids were totally innocent. They had no idea that nigger was a derogatory name. To them it was just a descriptive that had been learned. The relative tried to explain to his son that it was a bad thing to say nigger, but since he himself had used the word so often in front of his child in a way that wasn’t probably expressed as a bad thing, the child picked it up as a normal word in every day vocabulary. How many of us are guilty of this?
Anyway, back to my hippy days. Along with the underground newspaper, the other social groups, the parades and protests, the marches, and whatever else was cool at the moment, I began to stretch out by changing the face of my direct circle of influence. In other words, I found some friends that were black. In our little home town there were two distinct neighborhood types. Those were the white neighborhoods and the black neighborhood. Nearly every single black person in our town lived in a single subdivision. The racial stereotypes kept them separate. White people feared that if a black person moved into their neighborhood that the property values would drop and they would lose everything they had planned their future on. So when I showed up with a black kid as a friend a lot of heads turned. In my neighborhood it scared people that a black kid was around. In his neighborhood he would get called an Uncle Tom for hanging around with a white kid. It was something that was so new that people didn’t know how to react. It bothered me a great deal to think that people were so close minded and set in their ways. There were a lot of past racial learned behaviors to overcome.
We sat around in a group one day discussing racism and what we could do to get rid of it once and for all. I suppose most thinkers dream of Utopia, the place where everything is perfect and nothing is wrong. We talked about a day when racism wouldn’t exist any more. This would be difficult as long as there were separate races. Separate races would always have that internally learned racism that we had all grown up with. What seemed then like the ideal way to end racism was to create the Gray Race. The American College Dictionary defines gray as; a shade between, or mixture of, black and white. Simply put, if the races all blended there could no longer be any distinctions. Of course this would mean every race would need to blend, not just black and white, but Asians, Middle - Easterners, Hispanics, and every other race that exists. We knew very well that this would never be a possibility in our lifetimes, but it could feasibly happen over the long haul. Back then when I was a hippy of about 15-19 years old, I knew of only one mixed race couple in our whole home town. There was a white woman and a black man who lived in a house that would have been considered as the border of the black and white neighborhood. This couple was basically shunned by both sides of the line. Being that this was in 1966, it was just one of those things that people couldn’t grasp.
It seems funny now to look back at how we felt about mixed couples back then, but it is still thought of as taboo by many of the older folks who are alive now. Back in their day it just wasn’t acceptable, and even now they can’t get past it. My daughter is married to a black man. When my parents found out she was pregnant by a black man in 1995 their reaction was one of horror. My dad insisted that she should have an abortion immediately. My mother was shocked into silence. It was beyond their learned ability to accept the reality of a mixed race couple and the resulting mixed race baby. When I told them that I was supportive of my daughter’s choice they were both angry. They were going by what they had learned and by what they thought they had taught me. This just simply couldn’t be happening. My mother had had been dealt a mean racial card at a job in Chicago that she had. When a new boss came in who was black, it appeared that she was replacing her entire staff with other black people. Eventually it was my mother’s turn to be fired and replaced, and it was more than my mother could handle. She became much more hatefully racial than she had ever been and particularly she was not very fond of black people after this incident. I thought this was going to turn into a disowning type of deal where my parents were going to divorce them selves from my life and the life of my daughter for doing such a thing as accepting a black man into our family.
When my grandson was born I was the typical proud grandparent. I must have taken a thousand photos and was sending them to everyone I knew. I believe it made my parents nervous. I think they were afraid of what their friends might think if they realized that their granddaughter was having a child by a black man. I got the impression that they didn’t want me to let any mutual acquaintances or family members know that we had black in the family. Then they came to visit. My mom said the minute she picked that baby up and held him she felt all of her racial hatred melt away. This was a baby, not a nigger. This was her granddaughter’s first child and he was beautiful. My mom said it took her holding him in her arms to make her realize that this wasn’t a bad thing. There was no reason to feel any prejudice toward a helpless unknowing child. This was just a baby and who could hate a baby? This was a day of awareness.
Now back to the gray race thing. Here in my own family is a gray child. Actually there are two now. They are among what is a growing number in our society today. When my parents first came out to see the first gray grandson we went out to eat at a popular seafood restaurant. As my father looked around he noticed there we about 15 mixed race couples in the restaurant. He asked me if this was something that was common in our city. My reply to him was that if he would open his eyes a little more, he would see that it is common in pretty much every city. Of course my parents now live in a retirement community that is populated by those old white folks I talked about earlier who were still clinging to their old learned behavior, and they probably all looked around with the same blind eye. Maybe within their direct community everyone is white, but if they were to venture out a little way they would surely see that mixed race couples are common even where they live. My dad said that after they went back to their retirement community and did venture out a little way they did indeed see a number of mixed couples. He was surprised that it was happening everywhere. The point here is that our dream from nearly 40 years ago was actually beginning to happen, even in my lifetime!
My one grandson is 9 years old. I can see where he has confusion sometimes with his identity. His dad is bringing him up as a black man would raise his child. What else would he do? He knows what it is to be black and that’s all he knows. At the same time I see where his mom is bringing him up as a white woman would raise her child. It must be confusing for a child from a mixed race couple to not be able to identify with both parents. Society isn’t ready for this yet. Society sees a color and then acts accordingly. For all intents and purposes, and since he appears to be black, my grandson is most probably seen and treated as a black person. I talk to him from time to time and we talk about him being a gray kid. As he grows up he is going to face new prejudices that neither of his parents could have ever understood. He is gray, so when it comes time for him to interact with other children, does he interact with white kids or black kids? When it’s time for him to date and fall in love, does he date white kids or black kids? Is society ready to handle something like this? It’s hard to say. Remember those prejudices that our parents pass on to us as we grow up? They may not realize they are even doing it, like that close relative of mine whose little boy innocently called a little black kid a nigger. What will people see when my little gray grandson comes over to see their daughter?
In his school it is not such an isolated thing. There are many mixed race kids and I’m guessing that to all of the kids in their generation, the distinction is invisible. They just see another little kid and I doubt that color means anything to them. Children have an innocence about them that will remain until they are taught to believe otherwise. If their parents are prejudiced they will eventually learn that prejudice. If not, then the innocence remains. I would hope that in my own situation that my grandchildren would remain innocent since the ignorance has been removed from three generations and they are the fourth. I’m pretty sure that as long as they don’t listen to too much racist based television or music that they will remain in the innocent category. This may prove to be tricky in our world today.
All you have to do is listen to a few rap songs to hear that the words nigga and nigger are far from disappearing. To me that is a real shame. I often hear black activists complain that the words are still prevalent in our society, but I never hear them condemn the very music that explodes with those words on a daily basis. With the words being thrown around so loosely and little kids being with their parents while that music is on, there is little doubt that these children will hear the words nigga, or as far as they know nigger, being used multiple times every day. So what is the message we are sending to kids? Is it that we should never use the “N” word, except in music?!? How does that make any sense at all to a little kid? It doesn’t. It’s ridiculous for anyone to think that the use of the “N” word will ever disappear as long as those kids are subjected to it a hundred times a day. It’s one of the major road blocks in the current racial education of our children today. As long as the word is going to be thrown around in music and movies every day, then it is crazy to think that we will ever get our kids to not use it. I consider it the biggest hurdle to killing racism today.
I have watched countless times as rap musicians and other predominant black performers explained that the word “nigga” is not a bad word. To them, they explain, it is a word used while speaking to other black people to designate their friendship. Bullshit. That’s a pretty lame excuse to continue the use of the word. I’ve watched and heard as they have explained that it is fine for any black person to use the word, but that white people should never utter the word or it would be a reason to kick their ass. Why would that be if the word isn’t offensive? The explanation is in itself racist. If the word is not acceptable for use by everyone, then it is offensive to everyone. Justifying it by putting any kind of acceptance on it is wrong. If we truly want to see the end of the word nigger in our lifetime or in the future of our children, then the use of that word in any form needs to end right now.
The same thing stands to reason for all other offensive ethnic names. I grew up in Chicagoland and always thought it was the melting pot of the world. You could walk one block and be in a totally different ethnic neighborhood. It would change from German, to Polish, to Lithuanian, to Chinese, to Italian, and on and on and on. There would always be at least one offensive ethnic slur to match each nationality. Is it any less offensive to continue to use those other slurs every day while we tiptoe around the “N” word? NO! Yet there are comedians using ethnic slurs as part of their routines as casually as using the word funny. It’s just plain wrong. Racism isn’t just about black and white. It’s about every ethnicity represented under the American flag. It doesn’t end there either. It’s about every ethnicity under every flag in the world. If we continue to use ethnic slurs, even under the guise of comedy, we continue to keep those slurs alive and in the front of peoples’ minds. It may be hard to tell a joke without sticking one slur or more into the joke, but if we expect racism to go away under any other circumstances, then we just have to work a little harder to make a joke funny. It’s not funny to any ethnic group if they are the butt of the joke. I don’t even feel comfortable listing the various ethnic slurs to make a point so I won’t, but it shouldn’t be funny to replace the “N” word with another racial slur to make a joke. It shouldn’t be easy to use any racial slur for any reason. The whole point of this thing is that it’s time to quit using racial slurs and to come together as one race, the human race. The color or origin of a person shouldn’t make any difference, but as long as we continue to “accept” racial slurs in music, movies, comedy, or any other situation in our lives, we will never escape racism.
Are you a racist? You’ll need to ask yourself that every time you support racism by listening to a CD that features racist lyrics. You’ll need to remember that every time you laugh at a racial joke. When you support a movie that makes light of racism or uses ethnic slurs to make an impact that isn’t educational or that edifies the entire audience, you should ask yourself why. Why am I laughing at a racial slur? Why am I letting my kids listen to music that contains ethnic slurs? Why am I using a racial slur in front of my kids or other peoples’ kids? Ask yourself if you are a racist. If you’re not, then why are you not doing something about it?
Greetings! I'm back for an update. I now have another Gray baby in my life. My third mixed grandson was born 4 months ago. I am the grandfather of 5 grandsons and couldn't be any prouder. I had hoped for a granddaughter this time and my daughter had actually been trying for that so I could spoil a little girl, but that just wasn't the way it was going to be. I love my 5 grandsons with all of my heart. Help me to be able to bring them up in a racism free world. Kill the "N" word. Don't let it live on in rap music. I saw a story today where rap artisits are going to head up a program to do this very thing. I am so happy to hear that. Here is a link to the story. Please support this effort!
http://www.allhiphop.com/hiphopnews/?ID=6442
